Review:
Why don't more skiers have more actual fun on the slopes? Some do, of course. Ever watch ski instructors before and after classes? What are the ones doing that are not just hanging out? I mean the ones fast-sweeping the runs, the ones with the big foolish grins on their respective handsome, pretty, or rugged faces. They are obviously having a blast... And that blast is called by all the blasters CRUISING.
Cruising is a trade secret among good skiers, but it can be learned by the wannabes. Just tell your instructor that you want to learn to cruise. You'll floor him. He'll ask you, "Are you sure?" Don't you want to learn how to handle the bumps, the moguls like everybody else? How about ice, powder, the steeps, mashed potatoes, the extremes, chutes, couloirs? Surely, you can't mean you really want to learn how to cruise?"
"Yep," you reply, "Cruisin' ought to do it for me."
"I'll be damned," he'll say. "You may be the first person in the whole history of skiing ever to ask for cruising lessons. Well," he'll say, "it's a mighty tall order, podner, but just maybe it could be arranged. But it will probably have to be private lessons. Can't imagine anybody else wanting to learn how to cruise. You know, you gotta learn how to ski before you can learn how to cruise. Do you, by the way, tune your own skis? If not, you'd better learn a little something about tuning. And...not by the way, by the way, you'll have to get yourself some new skis. Those are way too short."
Save yourself some grief and give yourself a blast. Cruise lots of different slopes with lots of different cats like Pal, the instructor, he of the "...most potatoe-mouth accent of all the Kiwis." ('Potatoe-mouth accent' is slightly less understandable than just plain 'potato-mouth accent'.) Like the lucious lovables: Fuchsia, Dobs, Smong, Mig, Gazelline, Kuhreem, Olive, Claih, and my, oh, my Marti. Like the stalwarts: Pixel, Hank, Horst, Campbell George, Spaldy, Mojo, Rhom Boidz, Kel, Reggs, Rod Golden, Wizzle, Jon, Burl Endhit, Dave M., Dick Mobely, Claude Cormier, Blender, and the venerable Pete Piste.
What does Widie Cardwll know about cruising? Just ask some of the highups on the slopes of like ALTA, UTAH why the ski area saw fit to issue a day pass in the spring of 1995 named WIDIE.
